I grew up with my Italian grandmother. When I think of my childhood, the most vivid memories are of walking with her to small grocery stores, stopping to listen to her conversations with the owners—who were often a similar age—then heading to the local clothes market, and later to the park to meet her friends. They would sit on benches and talk about everything—some of which I understood, others completely foreign to my experience. But all of it stayed with me.
I never thought of my grandmother or her friends as ‘old people’. Mornings were spent in school with other children my age; afternoons were spent with people who were older. I was aware of the difference, but I never felt the need to make a distinction. Even now, people are often surprised that many of my friends are significantly older than me.
In my current work at the Oxford Institute of Population Ageing, I spend a lot of time with older adults. It never felt like a requirement of the job—it felt natural. Many of the people I interviewed became friends. They invited me to birthday parties, introduced me to their grandchildren, or showed me around their allotments. Where ageist assumptions frame time with older people as ‘work’ or ‘effort’, I find being with older people a joy. In fact, I sometimes enjoy myself more with older adults than with people my own age.
While this may reflect something about my personality, I also believe it highlights a broader issue: the idea that intergenerational friendships are unusual or somehow undesirable. I fundamentally disagree. Literature on intergenerational solidarity and relational ageing highlights the value of these relationships, both for wellbeing and for social cohesion (Vanderbeck, 2007; Burnes et al., 2019). Yet, societal narratives often segregate by age, missing the mutual learning that intergenerational relationships offer (Biggs & Lowenstein, 2011).
When I spend time with an older adult, I experience their whole life—what they’ve seen, felt, and overcome. Every word carries a story. Sometimes it inspires me; sometimes it offers a quiet warning. Either way, it teaches. Listening to my grandmother and her friends taught me countless things: how to cook a certain dish, how to comfort someone in grief, how to be careful crossing the street, and the value of not taking oneself too seriously.
This became even clearer in adulthood, when I could choose more consciously the people I wanted to spend time with—and better appreciate what those interactions meant. Each summer, my cousins, sister, and I would spend time with our Austrian grandparents, just us—no parents, no distractions. Every year, I came back with a new story, a new vocabulary, a new way of seeing the world.
Had I not spent time with older adults from a young age, I would have missed all these conversations that can be summed up in one word: knowledge. As someone persistently curious about human nature—and how experience shapes who we become—meeting an older person has always felt like meeting someone in their fullest form.
This respect I carry for older age isn’t just personal—it’s also echoed in the structures of our world. We often forget that some of the world’s most significant responsibilities are entrusted to people later in life. Popes Benedict XVI and Francis were, respectively, 78 and 76 years old when elected. The newly elected Pope Leo XIV is 69. He is now called to guide millions of people around the globe in their faith. Surely, this is one of the greatest commitments anyone could take on. So why are we still surprised that such callings happen in older age?
These personal reflections—shaped by time spent with older adults across different stages of life—also inform my academic research. As part of a UK-based study on ageing in place, I spent months walking alongside older adults in their communities using the go-along method—an ethnographic approach that immerses researchers in the everyday environments of participants. Unlike conventional interviews, go-alongs make the micro-geographies of ageing visible: the routes people avoid, the places they linger, and the spontaneous interactions that form part of their day (Kusenbach, 2003; Carpiano, 2009).
One of the studies explored the complex dynamics of social support among older adults in the UK, focusing on the roles of various social ties—including friends, neighbors, religious figures, community workers, and family—in shaping how they manage ageing in place. Drawing on go-along ethnographic methods, I investigated how older adults engage with these relationships in real time to access emotional and practical support, maintain independence (Portacolone et al., 2019; Wenger, 1991), and mitigate loneliness (Fiori et al., 2006; Phillipson, 2011).
Walking with older adults in their neighbourhoods revealed subtle dynamics: how a pharmacist might become a confidante, or how a community centre serves as both refuge and anchor. These are not incidental ties; they are central to how ageing is negotiated in everyday life (Lager et al., 2016). By situating these experiences within broader social and community contexts, our project contributes to discussions on ageing in place, emphasizing the importance of policies that recognize the diversity and complexity of older adults’ support systems and the cultural logics underlying their social choices (Sixsmith & Sixsmith, 2008; Buffel et al., 2019).
Whether in personal memories or academic inquiry, walking with older adults has taught me that ageing is not decline—it is depth. And the more we walk together, the more we learn what it means to live well.
References:
- Biggs, S., & Lowenstein, A. (2011). Generational intelligence: A critical approach to age relations. Routledge.
- Buffel, T. (2018). Social research and co-production with older people: Developing age-friendly communities. Journal of Aging Studies, 44, 52–60. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaging.2018.01.012
- Buffel, T., Handler, S., & Phillipson, C. (2019). Age-friendly cities and communities: A global perspective. Policy Press.
- Burnes, D., Sheppard, C., Henderson, C. R., Wassel, M., Cope, R., Barber, C., & Pillemer, K. (2019). Interventions to reduce ageism against older adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. American Journal of Public Health, 109(8), e1–e9. https://doi.org/10.2105/AJPH.2019.305123
- Carpiano, R. M. (2009). Come take a walk with me: The “Go-Along” interview as a novel method for studying the implications of place for health and well-being. Health & Place, 15(1), 263–272. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2008.05.003
- Fiori, K. L., Antonucci, T. C., & Cortina, K. S. (2006). Social network typologies and mental health among older adults. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, 61(1), P25–P32. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/61.1.P25
- Gonzales, E., Matz-Costa, C., & Morrow-Howell, N. (2015). Increasing opportunities for the productive engagement of older adults: A response to population aging. The Gerontologist, 55(2), 252–261. https://doi.org/10.1093/geront/gnu176
- Kusenbach, M. (2003). Street phenomenology: The go-along as ethnographic research tool. Ethnography, 4(3), 455–485. https://doi.org/10.1177/146613810343007
- Lager, D., Van Hoven, B., & Huigen, P. P. (2016). Rhythms, ageing and neighbourhoods. Environment and Planning A, 48(8), 1565-1580.
- North, M. S., & Fiske, S. T. (2012). An inconvenienced youth? Ageism and its potential intergenerational roots. Psychological Bulletin, 138(5), 982–997. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027843
- Phillipson, C. (2011). Developing age-friendly communities: New approaches to growing old in urban environments. In S. Carr & P. C. Cohen (Eds.), Ageing, meaning and social structure: Connecting critical and humanistic gerontology (pp. 199–215). Policy Press.
- Portacolone, E., Rubinstein, R. L., Covinsky, K. E., Halpern, J., & Johnson, J. K. (2019). The precarity of older adults living alone with cognitive impairment. The Gerontologist, 59(2), 271-280.
- Sixsmith, J., & Sixsmith, A. (2008). Ageing in place in the United Kingdom. Ageing International, 32(3), 219–235. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12126-008-9019-y
- Vanderbeck, R. M. (2007). Intergenerational geographies: Age relations, segregation and re-engagements. Geography Compass, 1(2), 200–221. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1749-8198.2007.00012.x
- Wenger, G. C. (1991). A network typology: From theory to practice. Journal of Aging Studies, 5(2), 147–162. https://doi.org/10.1016/0890-4065(91)90003-L
About the Author
Dr Chiara Natalie Focacci is a Research Fellow at the Oxford Institute of Population Ageing.
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